You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
