I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
