you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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