dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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