Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
