I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
