i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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