Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He better not be in your backpack
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
