i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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