They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
God I need to hump something, right now.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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