My friends, they love my intelligence
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
