the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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