there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
