I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
