cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He? As in you personified your dick?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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