The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
