I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
