Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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