Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
