I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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