WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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