I wanna bring you to show and tell
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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