we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
