Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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