Someone shit on the floor
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you would pick up someone in the library
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
