He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
