even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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