I looked at my own cervix.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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