Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
