can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
