i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
the day after is always just damage control
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
