I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
