It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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