You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
