What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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