Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
