Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
