You can't motorboat a personality
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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