Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I didn't notice because vodka
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
