I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
