its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
