Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
