theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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