dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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