I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I checked into jail on foursquare
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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