Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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