The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
