He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
