I puked a lego.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Randomize
