remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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