What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I wear drunk well.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
